—Satire
“It came to me during the Late Late Show with James Corden,” Pelosi told Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha, “that I must do something for the poor people of the country and the struggling small business owners—we are all in this together.”
Managing to struggle through this period of self-imposed isolation and dutifully following the President’s directive to hunker down and practice social distancing, Pelosi continued speaking to Hugh through the two-way intercom attached to the ten foot wall of her mansion in San Francisco.
“I am so blessed to have a freezer full of ice cream bars, chocolates, and other treats that I rely on to see me through this difficult time holed up in our home that I just felt compelled to share my good fortune with the little people of America. You know, the street people who live outside my gates and the small business owners who are losing their businesses and wonder where their next Dove Bar is coming from.”
“What moved you to perform such a magnanimous gesture?’ Hugh inquired.
“Well, I got to thinking that since I gave a little treat to the Kennedy Center for the performing arts it is only fair that we give a little to the homeless and those who are losing their businesses. This is my contribution to the country I guess you would say,” she smiled.
“So, you are giving another $25 million to the little people or what? Hugh asked.
“Oh no,” she replied, “we must have our priorities.”
“So what then do you intend?” Hugh asked.
Grinning proudly, Pelosi replied: “I have decided to distribute my entire stash of Dove Bars, ice cream cones, chocolate bars and other frozen confections to the needy street people and out of work small business owners, outside my wall, at a time to be announced later. If you knew just how much I love ice cream you would appreciate what a magnificent gesture this is.”
“Wow,” Hugh replied, “that is certainly something. How long do you intend to give out these treats?”
“Oh this is just first come, first served. When the freezer is emptied it is over,” she replied. “Like the SBA paycheck protection funds which I am not renewing, when they’re gone, they’re gone.”
The Staff: Yes this is satire but also very true as to how this piece of trash looks at We the People.
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