NOAH, CIRCA 2017
In the year
2017, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in America
and said:
"Once again, the earth has
become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of
all flesh before me."
"Build another ark and save
2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints,
saying:
"You have 6 months to build
the ark
before I will start the unending
rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
"Noah!," He roared,
"I'm about to start the
rain!
Where is the ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord,"
begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a
building permit."
"I've been arguing with the
boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system."
"My neighbors claim that
I've violated the
neighborhood by-laws by building
the ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the local Planning Committee for a decision
"Then the
local Council and the electric
company demanded a shed load of money for the future
costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the ark's move
to the sea. I told them that the
sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of
it."
"Getting the wood was
another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order
to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls
- but no go!"
"When I started gathering
the animals the ASPCA took me to court.. they insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will.
They argued
the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals
in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental
Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the
ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on
your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve
a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how
many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building
crew."
"The
Immigration Dept. is checking the
visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trade unions say I
can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the
IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but
it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this
ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared,
the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across
the sky.
"Noah looked up in wonder
and asked,
"No," said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to
it."
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