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INSENSITIVITY
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I was devastated to
find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was
soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to
Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
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The wife suggested I
get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she's 21 and her
name's Lucy.
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Went to the pub with
my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!"
and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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My son was thrown
out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a
hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd
better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
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Just been to the
gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an
hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me
with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the
lot.."
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Question - Are there
too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I
am not understanding the question please."
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The cost of living
has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't
afford batteries.
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A man calls 911 and
says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do
you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is
piling up!"
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I was explaining to
my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come
back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as
a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
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My wife has been
missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I
had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
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I've heard that
Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after
realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
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There's a new Muslim
clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out
after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
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The Red Cross just
knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in
Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to
the driveway.
Staff: Thanks to whoever sent as we all need some sick humor in this crazy world.
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